Update--New OB

I had my appt. with a different OB yesterday (same practice). I really liked her. I explained everything that has happened since I've gone off BCP and what the projected course of action was from the other doctor. She didn't explicitly say the other doc was wrong, I mean they are co workers, rather she explained her course of action. She agreed that we haven't actually been trying for that long considering my 1st 2 cycles I couldn't even try. She didn't seem concerned about my late O and b/c I had already brought Clomid into the conversation (and b/c I responded so well) she said she'd be more than happy to have me try the clomid again next cycle if I would like to. She also said that after 3 cycles of clomid if I'm not pregnant that they could do testing such as an HSG and SA on Chris. That could all be done at that office. She said that after that, if everything came back clear we could do one more cycle of clomid and if that doesn't work, she would then at that point refer me to an RE. She said for me, it would basically be at that year mark. She believes that most couples will conceive within a year of trying and thus would exhaust all options that she had on her end before moving a patient along to a specialist. She was very nice. She did also say that we could be as aggressive as I wanted to be with getting pregnant; its all about what I'm comfortable with.

So, I'm happy that she was awesome. I really liked that she was young and very laid back. She also seemed to like that I had read TCOYF and knew what I was talking about. Not like the other doctor AKA the battle axe.

On another note, I saw a couple in the office that had just found out they were pregnant when I was in the OB office in January (random, I know). She had the most adorable belly and I couldn't believe the odds that I saw her again (this is a big OB office). And I don't know why I remembered her from 6 months ago, but for some reason I did. sigh.

Yesterday was a rough day

Before I get into the "woe is me" bit, let me just say that our new home is gorgeous. I am so thrilled with it and will take pics and post them as soon as I can.

So, I've been feeling pretty shitty about not Oing yet. Not stressed, just annoyed and less hopeful. I'm started to feel like acupressure really isn't working. I got bumped down to once a week since I was "doing so well" and now, here I am in the cycle day 20s and no O in sight. CBEFM is still at low and I am slowly losing hope. I'm starting to re-evaluate what my OB said about seeing a RE. I have my follow up pap tomorrow with the new doc and will asking her for a second opinion. In any case, seeing as I'm still Oing very late (and yes, I know that today is only CD 22 and I could O soon, but lets be real) I probably won't O for another week. If this cycle is another bust, I think that Clomid will definitely be the way to go. I gave the acupressure a valiant try and its time to move on to something I know works. Anyways...

Yesterday I got a call from one of my co-workers that I often work with on projects. She works in one of our east coast offices. We have a really good working relationship. We aren't very personal with one another, but work together closely. We were discussing homes and she mentioned something about using one of their rooms as a nursery. Well, of course I didn't think anything of it, just because I figured "oh maybe she's trying to get pregnant." Then she says, "well, I might as well tell you. I'm 10 weeks pregnant." She said that I was only the 2nd person she told aside from her direct superior at work. Her and her H were not trying and she travels a lot for work. I was ok with it; happy for her of course, but I just felt like letting out a sigh after she told me.

So, I go home and try and brush off the funk I was in. Chris gets home about an hour after me. He sits at the breakfast table and says "Guess who's pregnant?" My 1st guess was my sister-in-law as she is always my 1st guess when he tells me that. He said no. It's actually friends of ours. Now, to give background, 2 other couples that are our good friends got married last year in addition to us. One couple is 17 weeks pregnant, and now this other couple is 13 weeks. And me, well I can't even O properly. Both couples started trying around the same time we did...and well, there it is, we are the only ones left still trying. When Chris told me, I immediately welled up (as I'm welling up just typing this). The 1st thing out of my mouth was "whoopdie freakin do." Not exactly the response that would come out of the mouth of a person who isn't jealous. So, as you can see, yesterday was not a good day.

Nor is today a good day. I sat in traffic for what seems like forever. CBEFM registered another low and my temp is f-ing with me. I'm starting to think I might be having an anovulatory cycle. Not to mention that I accidentally ripped off the side buttons on my favorite pants when I bumped into a cubicle wall.

Why does this all have to be so hard? Both of our sets of friends know that we are trying (b/c we felt OK sharing that with them since they shared the info with us) and it just feels like absolute shit to not be pregnant. Again, I can't even O at a "regular" time. If an average cycle is lets say 30 days long, I've lost about 10 weeks since we started TTC, just in waiting to O. So depressing.

Our new townhome--woohoo!

Ok, so we had our final inspection yesterday and the place looks fabulous. We are so excited. As promised, here are some pics:

This is the dining room view from the great room (above)

View of great room from dining room

This is the master bathroom

This is the kitchen

More pics to come once we actually move :)

Follow up to OB switch

I officially switched to another OB in the practice for my follow up pap. I switched to an OB that was referred to me by my GP, who I adore. So, hopefully this doctor is a keeper ;)

Long time, no blog...

It's been a while since I've posted. Compared to last week, that is. I've been doing pretty well. This past weekend was spent packing and cleaning. We have our final inspection on Thursday and we are SO excited to see the place! Needless to say, my mind has been occupied with moving and not too much with TTC...at least for now!

I've been bumped down to acupressure twice a week and the doc is confident that I will be bumped down to once a week soon since I'm doing so well. He said that my ovaries are actually doing very well. I'm happy to hear that. I'm very confident that I will actually ovulate earlier this cycle. I can already foresee it happening the weekend of the move too! We'll make the best of it I'm sure :) I'm more chilled out than last cycle. Despite my best efforts to remain calm, I ended up being a basket case. I have to keep in mind our odds and know that there is always a chance to try again.

Otherwise, I have decided to find a new OB. After much thought, deliberation, and talking with Chris, I think that ultimately my OB and I are not a good fit. I had a bad experience with her in January (with her attitude towards me charting, reading TCOYF) but as always, I gave her another chance. She's been fine since then, but I feel like we have a real disconnect when it comes to me getting pregnant. While I know that she wants me to get pregnant as soon as possible, I feel like she's rushing things. Despite her good intentions, it is entirely too early to be referring me to an RE. Have I been off BCP for 6 months? yes. Have I ovulated all those cycles? No. My 1st cycle off BCP was a "half" attempt since I had to have a colposcopy and didn't even know when and if I would ovulate (CD 31). 2nd cycle was anovulatory. So, pretty much until the end of March, we couldn't even try. So, to have gone 2 cycles with coordinated effort and now if my 3rd is unsuccessful, she wants to refer me to an RE. I'm sorry but it just doesn't add up. I have to have a follow up pap this month and I think I'm just going to switch to another doc within the practice and see how I like them. I don't think it's fair to either of us to continue the professional relationship. And anyways, shouldn't you love your OB? With all the intimate things that you discuss you should feel comfortable having an equal dialogue....not one where the doc is talking down to you. I always felt as if she didn't like that I have educated myself on getting pregnant. I've gotten that vibe from her since the very beginning. So, the switch is going to occur and I am very happy with my decision.

Talked to the OB this morning

After asking her about my LP, she said that there is "nothing" I can do to lengthen my LP. I was like, um OK. I asked her about B6 and progesterone cream and she said that progesterone cream is unnecessary b/c of how good my progesterone was when they monitored it while I was on Clomid. As for the b6, she said I was getting the B6 through my prenatal and thus wouldn't need additional supplements. She also said that my LP really isn't that bad and that as long as its above 10 its "OK." Then she said something that totally freaked me out. She said that if I don't get pregnant this next cycle, she wants to refer me to an RE. She said that she has someone in mind who is wonderful and she would be happy to refer me to him. While I am thrilled that she is proactive in our quest to get pregnant, I was still freaked that the "RE" possibility was coming into the conversation so soon. I haven't told Chris yet, I don't know what to even think of it, let along explain it to him. Don't get me wrong, he knows what an RE does, but he would definitely be shocked and think that its too early for that. But is it?

I also asked her about the possibility of having a chemical pregnancy and it not being picked up by an hpt. She said that it could happen, but its not common. In the event that something like this happens, the only way to tell would be though a blood test. So, that has appeased my curiosity on the matter.

All in all, I think that I just need to me optimistic that this will be our cycle. I just know that I will O earlier than last month and I will get pregnant, dammit.

Tonight's acupressure appointment

The doc was SHOCKED when I told him that I got my period. He then did tell me that he thought I was pregnant due to the fact that he got a positive answer last week that conception had in fact taken place. We proceeded with the appointment and at the end he told me that he "read" some more things. He thinks that we did in fact conceive but that the fertilized egg did not implant. Which, from what I know, is a chemical pregnancy. My thought is, is it possible to have a chemical pregnancy never once getting a positive hpt? I guess the only way of knowing would be if there was a blood test? I guess I'll just ask the OB tomorrow when I talk to her about the possibility of having a chemical pregnancy and it not showing up on a hpt. Thoughts anyone? Do I (does this) sound crazy?

And um yeah....my period seems to have stopped. I don't know what the hell is going on....

UPDATE: after some chatting with my fellow nesties, I think I'll just wait and see what my OB says tomorrow and take what the acupressurist said with a grain of salt. Thank you to all for your honest opinions and comments :)

Another BFN

I am so upset. I can't believe that this cycle wasn't our cycle. I woke up this morning and my temp had fallen, but I still wanted to take a test. And there it was: BFN. No matter how hard I stared at the test the 2nd line would not come up. At this point, the hpt should be pretty accurate at 62%. I'm just so beyond upset that I am sitting here crying as I write this. I don't know how I'm going to be able to go to the acupressurist tonight and not start bawling when I tell him that any reading that he might have had that I was pregnant was wrong.

Next cycle will be #5....month #6. I'm so depressed.

I need to vent...

So, per this morning's entry below, I've started feeling "crampy" last night in the middle of the night. Well, the feeling has still not subsided. I don't know how to describe this feeling. Its like the "anxious, butterflies in my stomach" type feeling, but in my lower abdomen. It almost tickles. And no, I'm not constipated, and no I don't have gas. Its a very faint ache and I swear, I honestly don't think I've felt this before. It freaks me out for 2 reasons:

1. Maybe I really am pregnant.
2. I'm not pregnant and my body has devised new types of pains to fuck with my mind and make me wonder.

Ok, vent over. I had to get that out since I can't talk to anyone at work about it. And if I consult Chris he'll think I'm crazy (shocker).

Thank God Monday is over....

Not that it was a bad Monday, I just happen to hate Mondays. Oh, so here's is the scoop for those that wanted to hear about my acupressure appointment last night:

Basically I begged him to tell me and he refused. He told me that he had been burned way too many times by being wrong and he would hate for that to happen to me. That being said I think he asked again without me knowing b/c he started chuckling and I tried to get it out of him and he refused but he said "it's all good." As in the answers or readings he is getting are all good. I pretty much got the vibe from him that he thinks I'm pregnant. He hints at it but won't flat out tell me b/c he's worried that I won't be and doesn't want me to be upset. Only time will tell I guess.

I'll see the acupressurist again tomorrow. He also added that I am doing so well that if I come back tomorrow and everything looks good, I'll get bumped down to once a week. So, yay for that! With only once a week, I'll definitely stick to the acupressure and pass on the Clomid for next cycle, should there be one.

Last night I woke up and thought I felt some very light cramping, but it was so light and different from what I usually feel that I don't know if it was real or if I was dreaming. I was freaking out that AF was coming or that I was going to start spotting. So, I went back to sleep and had a dream that I started spotting (of course)...but no spotting yet. I still feel something like a dull ache, but its not cramps...please God don't let it turn into AF!! Keep your fingers crossed for me!! I keep wanting to run to the bathroom to see if I'm spotting....obsessed, I know.

So I tested...BFN

And I'm actually OK about it. I was thrilled to see my temp go back up today from the slump I had over the weekend. I will retest on Wednesday at 12 DPO is AF doesn't rear her ugly head. I'm seeing the acupressurist tonight and I will tell him I want to know what it was that he "read" the other day. I think that any hope that I have is based on his "reading" and the fact that I am virtually symptomless in the 2WW. I was actually quite fatigued over the weekend which is odd for me. I kept wondering if I was imagining it or if I really was "fatigued." I could have slept all day on both Saturday and Sunday, yet I got 9 hours of sleep both days. It was especially worse after I ate....holy hell. I could have fallen asleep at the table. I don't know though...I'm so worried I'm imagining things.

I know 10 DPO is early and was prepared to put on my big girl panties if was negative. If I get AF, I would at least like to see my LP go back to the length it was before rather than the 10 days it was last cycle. I remain hopeful for now and REALLY want to hear what the acupressurist has to say. He knows I was testing on today.

If AF shows up, I'm onto cycle #5, month 6. I can't believe that I will have gotten to that point. I will have to make a decision about what I want to do regarding Clomid and acupressure. Part of me just wants to do the Clomid again while the other part of me just wants to give the acupressure one more try. I told myself I would wait to decide until I actually was presented with cycle 5, but since it is looming above my head I can't help but start thinking about it....