An update

This morning I essentially got a negative pregnancy test. There was the faintest shadow of a line and it didn't really appear until close to the 10 minute mark. I called my OB to inform them of this given their instructions from yesterday and the nurse I talked to was less than helpful. I was informed of a few things. One being that they discourage their patients to take more tests once they get a positive. Um, ok sure, b/c ignorance is bliss? In addition to this I was told that HcG doesn't decrease as rapidly as is being reflected in my hpts. Um, ok, am I lying? I was told to wait to retest till the weekend and just come in for my OB appt on Tuesday. Serious hilarity and frustration with them.

Out of desperation to get some kind of answers I called our RE office again and got some more specific answers as to why I couldn't come in for a beta there. I'm an inactive patient with them since its been over 2 years and in order to be an active patient I'd need to come in for a physical, etc. Which essentially I couldn't since I wouldn't be seeking fertility treatment from them. They did however say that since my OB wasn't being helpful that they advise me to contact my general practitioner and that they should have no problem getting me in for some b/w.

So, called the GP's office and got an appt right away. They were AWESOME there and both the nurse and doc really listened to my concerns and it was without a doubt that they would be ordering b/w. In the mean time, I took a urine test there and it was positive which was SHOCKING given that I had a negative result this AM with FMU on a FRER. Yet I was getting a solid positive at the docs, mid-day, after drinking water all day. The only place to really go from here is to see what my betas do. I had them drawn today, with results to come tomorrow. If they come back positive (which I am assuming that they will given that the urine test came back positive) I go back for a repeat beta on Thursday.

To say that I have been on an emotional rollar coaster would be an understatement. I had come to terms with the fact that I would likely miscarry and now this random positive is making me question everything. Not only this but I have so many questions floating around in my head that really can't be answered till my betas are drawn and then till I go to the doc (that is of course unless I start bleeding).

In terms of how I feel. Well, my temp is still soaring. I lost that fatigue I was initially feeling and while my boobs were their sorest (I think) on Sunday, they are definitely more sore today than they were yesterday. OMG - I am losing my ever loving mind.

Beta numbers to come tomorrow.

This may not end well

Seems that I *may* have posted too soon yesterday. This morning I woke up at 4 am (to pee) and of course took my daily FRER since it was going to be 2 hours till I woke up for the day. The FRER showed a lighter line than yesterday (yesterday was light but def there, today's was much lighter, but again still a + test). Now, I know this doesn't automatically mean early miscarriage, but I am pretty much resigning myself to the fact that it is. I spoke with the OB office and they have me scheduled for my 1st OB appt next Tuesday - as far as they're concerned as long as my tests keep coming up positive, they are going to treat it as a pregnancy. If I should have any onset of severe cramps, any form of bleeding, or a negative pg test, I am to call them.

I want so badly to be hopeful, but I feel the symptoms I so heartily felt yesterday have already loosened up a bit. I haven't bit fatigued today (granted that could be the adrenaline) at all and my boobs are less sore. Now I as well as anyone know that hormones levels can fluctuate and cause those things to wax and wane, but lets be real here, it doesn't look good. In my heart I feel that something is wrong. I just know that test will be negative tomorrow or at least close to it. I'll keep you all posted, I swear - but please keep me and bebe #2 in your thoughts if you can.

Well, that was certainly unexpected!

So, looks like I'm KTFU. I never EVER in my wildest dreams imagined that it would happen on the 1st cycle. I thought we were surely in for a grueling year and you can imagine my surprise when that 2nd faint line showed up on the FRER. I can't count how many times I said "oh shit" as that 2nd line appeared. I thought it was lying at first (lol), and dipped in another one and same result. Wow, just WOW. Gabriella's baby brother or sister is due October 18th, but given how early I went into labor with Gabriella I'm guessing this one will join us earlier in October.

When I went into Gabriella's room this morning and I just squeezed her and kissed her and thought that I'm the luckiest person in the world b/c I get to have another one of her. Clearly, they won't be the same, but you get my drift!

I can honestly say that the early onset of fatigue is most certainly here. The past few days I've just been beat (which is partly what prompted me to test) and my boobs are increasingly sore. I have an interview for a promotion in the coming weeks and hope that anything wicked stays at bay until after then.

To those of you who know me IRL, please don't out me - we're not sharing the news just yet!

TIDWTF and other going-ons

1. Gabriella's vocab is rapidly expanding. It seems like every day she's saying something new. Her new words this weekend were the Croatian word for "more," bagel, and saying "see you" when saying good-bye.
2. I cannot be out of her sight. Yesterday I went to her room to put her clothes away and not even a minute had gone by when I heard running feet calling "mama! mama!" It was like this all weekend.
3. We got the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse CD, and now all she wants to listen to in the car is the hot dog song. Every time it finishes she asks "Mickey? Hot dog?" Lol - I've created a monster.
4. Swim class - its a mixed bag. Generally she can't wait to get in the water, but has yet to make it all the way through her 30 minute class. Last week was better. This week we made it till through 20 minutes and she had had it. Don't get me wrong, she LOVES the water, but I think it might be a too many people type of situation.

In other news, but ovaries are giving me the finger and not Oing. I've been Oing on CD 20 or before since I got AF back post BFing (for one year now). We're on CD 22 and I'm down 11 OPKs, and 3 applicators of pre-seed. Eff you right back at you, ovaries!

TIDWTF

Let's see here, Gabriella and I have been fighting off nasty colds for the past 5 days, so I've been heavily medicated. New going-ons for this week:

1. She has become obsessed with Mickey Mouse. Now instead of asking for Leo or milk in the morning, she asks me "Mickey?" And you're damn right we HAVE to turn on the TV and watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Thankfully I have a bunch of episodes recorded. She loves to sing the "Hot dog" song at the end of each episode.
2. This isn't necessarily just this week, but in general, she hasn't really been playing with her toys much. Rather, she's attached to my friggin hip all.the.time. She wants me to constantly interact with her. That's wonderful, but sometimes mama needs to poop with out a 19 month old running away with the toilet paper.
3. She's been a real challenge to change lately. Changing her diaper is a daily struggle for independence. I'd love for her to realize that the sooner she stops screaming and arching back, the sooner I can get the diaper changed.

We start swim class this weekend. We were supposed to start last Saturday but were both sick. Definitely excited for her to do this - she loves the water. She's a fishy just like me!

Some pics from CA:

The very 1st TIDWTF

I've been thinking about doing this for a while, but alas never get to it. Thanks Shannon for giving me such a great idea, and thanks SB for reminding me to start this!

1. Gabriella is so super excited to see me these days when I pick her up from daycare. Not that she isn't normally, but just more so than usual lately. She usually runs over squealing and gives me a huge hug.
2. When I ask her for a kiss (in Croatian) rather than give me a kiss, she gives me her cheek.
3. Ever since she fell in love with her "So Big" book right around her 1st birthday, I'll always ask her "How Big is Baby?" and she raises her arms and says "SO!" Which is hilarious. Yesterday I asked her, and she answered "So Cute!" I just about died it was "so cute."
4. Every morning when she wakes up she gives me a big hug, taps me lightly on the back, and asks me "Leo?" or "muk?" (milk)....she gets both most of the time!

***** I thought of one more thing...

5. She starting to sing songs. She sings the ABCs. Its adorable. I'll sing A through G and then she sings "H, I, J, K, lemenmanana." Its so funny. She knows exactly what letter is when and when I get to W she fully says "double U." (she's singing them as we speak, prompted by her musical table). She also sings the Croatian version of Patty Cake.

Happy New Year!

I can't believe its 2011 - every year just keeps flying by faster and faster. A couple of updates:

1. We are starting TTC #2 (omg). DH had a SA done about 3 weeks ago and it came back normal (versus low count when TTC#1). This time around I'm also ovulating between CD 14-19 (versus the CD 30s), with an 11-12 day LP (yes, its been fluctuating - no, I'm not lying). We have 12 months to TTC #2 on our own and then we'll go back to the RE.

2. Gabriella is 19 months (double omg). She's such a sweetheart yet such a terror at the same time. We had her 18 month appt a month ago (obviously) and she was 28 lbs 8 oz and 33 inches long. She ate like a freaking beast over the holidays and I bet she's about 29.5 lbs now. We got her ears pierced a month ago and she looks super cute with her little studs. We start mommy and tot swim class this weekend. I'm super excited for that.

Since my last post we've been to DC and back home to CA for the holidays. We had so much fun and it just made me and Gabriella miss everyone so much more.

I'll be trying to update more regularly now that we're on the TTC train again. Here is my chart to all you faithful stalkers: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1e50e7. It can also be found on the right side.

Here's a new Gabriella pic. This is at my parent's house in CA. They have an orange tree and Gabriella and my mom were picking oranges (they were SO good and we took full advantage of that fresh fruit)!