In the 1ww

So, I've got about 4 days until I POAS or AF arrives. I spend one moment elated at the thought of it *really* happening...and the next in despair. I hate the rollarcoaster. But I do know this: no matter how hopeful I always am in the time after O, I am always just as devestated when AF shows her ugly face. No amount of realism in the 2ww makes her arrival any easier. Rather than restrict my optimism, I am allowing myself to have some.

Unrelated to my optimism, I decided to peruse the baby section at TJMaxx today. I have only been in this section once before and vowed that I wouldn't go near it b/c I would jinx myself. Well, forget that. Looking at baby clothes isn't going to doom an impending pregnancy. But I have to say, it did not do me any good to look at baby clothes. As I was walking back to my car I totally got teary eyed. I am SO pathetic.

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I just realized that almost every weekend this month I will be in the presence of a pregnant friend or relative. Next weekend is my only weekend off. The 2nd to last weekend of October I get to see smug SIL. God help me.