My new FAV pic :)

Love this baby girl!

Having kind of a hard day

I don't know what it is about today, but its taking every ounce of my body to not flee to Gabriella's daycare to sweep her into my arms and hold her. Its not that I don't always want to see her when I'm at work, I certainly do, but yeah....today is kind've hard. As my little baby has turned into a big baby, she got all sorts of new fun tricks up her sleeve. But, most of all, I think she's starting to miss me, which breaks my heart.

I have always thought that I wanted to be a working mom. I wanted both the career and the family. And while I still want the career, I'm really torn now. I spent so many years getting my degrees and I am damn proud of them, but honestly, right now all I want to do is be with my baby.

To further induce my tears which are on the words, I decided to re-read this forwarded email. le sigh. You're welcome ;)

"Motherhood" (I would give credit, but I have no idea who wrote this)

We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?" "It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. "I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation. I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs. I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.

My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings!

Remotes, Tags, and my 1st award!

Let's start with my first blog award! Thank you ever so kindly to Audrey's lovely momma at From Here to Maternity. You've been such a great pal, BFP buddy! If you don't already check out Sheri's blog, head over ASAP: http://www.littlebabyburns.blogspot.com/. Prepare yourself to squeeze your computer screens from cuteness :)

I will attend to the rules of the award in a moment, but let me tell you about the hilarity that is my child. She LOVES any tags on her toys and adores the remote. I know the remote control love isn't special to just Gabriella; this is a baby favorite along with cell phones (which Gabriella likes too). But man, you should see the intense concentration Gabriella gets when she sees a tag and then, of course, it gets promptly shoved in her mouth, where else?! :)

And yes, she is playing in her bathtub. Thank you to Carly for introducing me to this idea!

Now for more blog award stuff. Here are the rules:

1. Mention who gave you the award and include a link back to their blog.
2. List 7 interesting things about yourself.
3. Pass on the award to 7 other people's blogs and include the links.

Gawd, I'm really not too interesting, but I'll give this a try....

1. I am a "international politician" via education. I have my BA and MA in International Studies/International Relations (respectively). I love what I went to school for but unfortunately the market for my field doesn't really exist in Chicago, but I am hoping to move into it somehow. And soon. My studies were specialized in ethnic conflict and identity politics. I love the socio-psychological side of politics.
2. I adore my dog. Like for realz..... Leo will lay on my chest, put his 2 paws on my face and just lick, and lick, and lick me, until I push him off. I love that he does this! I am the only one he does this to :)
3. I was a competitive swimmer in high school and college. I actually think I still might hold a state record for backstroke. I loved swimming and can't wait to teach Gabriella how to swim!
4. I am bi-lingual and bi-cultural. I am a first generation Croatian-American. I spoke only Croatian until I started grade school.
5. I pretty much only speak to Gabriella in Croatian b/c its SUPER important to me that she learn it.
6. I cannot stand ignorance and hyporcites ::enter ILs::
7. I'm really really close with my family. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with missing them that my heart actually hurts.

I award the following delightful bloggers:

• J, my other lovely BFP buddy: http://blogswewishwedwritten.blogspot.com/
• Sarah: http://cookinagoonie.blogspot.com/
• Carly: http://abelladream.blogspot.com/
• Dianne: http://littleonetocome.blogspot.com/
• Jeannie: http://alittlebrownie.blogspot.com/
• Alicea: http://mnbride1013.blogspot.com/
• Ro: http://roisme.blogspot.com/

8 months old!

I really can hardly believe it. I remember always thinking that 8 months old was such a "big baby" age and now, well, its here. I won't waste this post with my nostalgia of days gone by, but instead, update you on Gabriella's latest and greatest.

First and most important, she loves her mama! No one can make her laugh or get as excited as I can and I must say, I LOVE that! Our weekend consisted of lots of laughing, squealing, playing, babbling, and rolling. Developmentally, here is where Gabriella currently is:

• sitting up unassisted
• is well into level 2 foods-Eats 4 7oz bottles a day and 3 servings of baby food
• rolls around like a fiend
• can prop herself up on her hands and stay that way for a while
• says babababa and gagagaga
• blows raspberries till the sun goes down
• grabs at everything, and I mean everything--she wants Leo SO bad
• loves herself in the mirror
• can turn herself 180-360 degrees on her stomach
• can lift her butt in the air when on stomach and hands
• sleeps 12+ hours overnight (thank you baby)
• naps very well at daycare, but just ok at home (I think she's just too entertained at home and wants our company)

I keep getting the "is she crawling yet" questions, and its kinda getting old. I know that babies all learn at their own pace and considering that she really didn't learn to sit up unassisted that well until a few weeks ago, I can't imagine her starting to crawl right away. I'm sure it'll happen within the next month or so, but in general, what is considered the average age for this? I haven't read anything on it just yet, but am curious for some real-world insight.

To hell and back

Last week was probably the scariest of my life. Gabriella started running a fever on Tuesday morning. Rectally (r) it was 103.5. She wasn't showing any other symptoms aside from the fever, but was a bit more fussy than usual so I called the pedi. They suspected an ear infection and so we went right in and turns out, no ear infection, everything looks great. We were to follow up with them again if she started getting worse. Tuesday she remained the same with temps at 103.5r with a dip in the late afternoon to 101r. I let her sleep and checked on her a time or 2 overnight. When she woke up Wednesday morning she felt exceptionally hot.

I gave her her bottle and took her temp: 105.6r. FUUUUUCK. I had an internal panic moment of should I go straight to the ER or should I call the on call pedi 1st. I figured I'd wait the 10 min for the on call pedi to be paged. He called back an assured me that infant fevers that high are not dangerous, especially considering she had no other symptoms, but he suggested we go back in for another appt. So, 3 trips to the doc later, she had been cath-ed to check for a UTI, b/w drawn to see if there was some type of bacterial infection, and an antibiotic shot (in the event there was an infection, while we waited for b/w results), and we were back at home.

To make an already long story short, it ended up being a virus of some sort and once her fever broke on Wednesday during the day, it only ever came back up to 101.8r. Thursday it was gone and by Friday she was feeling much better. Can we not get sick for the rest of the winter now, mkay baby?

Rolling, rolling, rolling

This baby will not stop rolling. Now, Gabriella has been able to roll for quite a while now, but for the most part has always been content to be in one position if playing with something. This weekend marked a new chapter in Gabriella's mobility. We have entered into the world of log rolling. Its quite cute and she's so fast at it. If you look away from where she is on the floor for one second, you turn around and she's flipped the other way.

This is wreaking a little bit of havoc on our sleeping though. She pretty much immediately rolls onto her stomach as soon as I leave the room after laying her down. Most of the time she has trouble falling asleep on her tummy or she has trouble falling asleep once she's woken up from a sleep cycle. I know its just something she'll have to get used to, but man does she get worked up about it!

I think she might be getting close to crawling. She kinda scoots herself around a bit on her tummy, but yesterday she started trying to lift up her butt to get on all fours. She can prop herself all the way up on her hands easily and for a while, so its just picking up the back end! Sitting up wise - she can do it. She does it the best if she's got a toy in front of her, but she needs to be supervised or have the boppy around her b/c she often flops over (so that she can be on her tummy). Her tummy is seemingly her fave position to be in as of late. On the food front, we are well into our stage 2's and Gabriella has tried one meat: chicken. I made her sweet potatoes and chicken and she loved it. I plan on making squash, chicken, and sweet potatoes tonight as well.

Our next doc appt is at 9 months. Hurray for no shots! We just recently got Gabriella's bigger carseats. We decided on the Britax Boulevard CS. She's still fitting in her infant seat, and we plan to use that for the next couple weeks or so. She's pretty close to being done with it though.

Otherwise, I'm doing well. Getting loads of sleep which is glorious (minus our recent fussing on the tummy issues). Chris and I just bought a bedroom set and are looking forward to decorating our bedroom. I'll be starting working out again soon. I've really been slacking and I've got about 10 lbs I want to lose before summer and I definitely need to tone up. My flab is just icky!

Opening it back up....

After a month of being private, I have decided to open the blog back up again for now.

Gabriella updates to come soon! :)