Update on cycle #6

After my b/w and u/s on Tuesday, they determined I did not O (duh) and have put me on Provera to bring on cycle #7. I couldn't be happier about this. In fact, I decided not to temp until cycle #7 comes around. Once it does, I'll schedule my HSG. Otherwise, my b/w results that have come up on my RE's patient portal look to be normal. I can only speculate since I'm obviously not a dr and googling normal levels for the b/w I had isn't necessarily the wisest thing to do. But, in any case, compared to many different sites with normal hormone ranges, all b/w looks good. I'm just waiting to actually hear the results from the RE. In other news, Chris has his SA today. I'm so glad he scheduled it right away. I should be having my HSG right around the time we get his results back so we should know what we are dealing with pretty soon.

The RE Appt

So, I had my RE appt today and things went very well. The doc was very kind and knowledgeable. He made me feel very comfortable and was very positive. I get a full b/w-up and u/s tomorrow. After my period's over I'll have a HSG and Chris will have his SA. The RE wants to make sure that we know as much as possible about any abnormalities between the 2 of us so he can be sure we are on the most appropriate track to get me pregnant. If all comes back normal we will proceed with 100mg of Clomid and timed intercourse with an option to trigger. So, keep us in your thoughts. I will keep you all posted. Thank you so much for your continued love and support. It means the world to me.

20 random things

I've been tagged by redrose...so here goes. 20 random things, and trust me these are totally random.

1. I love examining my pores and squeezing any one of them that looks even remotely dark. Gross, I know, but I can't help myself!
2. I can't sing in the car when Chris is in the car. I don't know why. I can do it with anyone else, but with him I can't do it.
3. Everytime I think of the song that my dad and I danced to at my wedding I start to cry.
4. I hate showering in the morning. I cannot do it unless I absolutely have to. I'd much rather shower before bed.
5. I eat very healthy throughout the week and then Friday night is my cheat night where I eat whatever I want. Usually I stuff myself to the gills!
6. I hate that my SIL is pregnant. I know thats not random, but it feels good to actually say out loud.
7. When Chris' snoring wakes me up, I jab his pillow and that usually makes him stop.
8. My aunt freaked me out on a flight a few years ago and ever since then I have a fear of flying.
9. I didn't speak English till I started Kindergarden.
10. I know more world capitals than I do US state capitals.
11. I hate baseball.
12. I know how to give myself a french manicure and I know how to paint the flowers too.
13. I would love to be a political analyst and sometimes wonder if I really missed out on my opportunity a few years ago.
14. I worry about money all the time. Even though I have no reason too, I do.
15. I talk to my mom on the phone everyday during my commute home.
16. When I'm feeling down, I like to put on my wedding dress-->and no, I still haven't sent it for preservation...procrastination par excellence.
17. I wanted to be figurer skater really bad when I was little.
18. I detest my ex boyfriend.
19. I have both my maiden and married name as my last name.
20. I have rarely visited any of the states, but I've been to Europe about 15-20 times.

If you don't know yet

I have been shuffled off to the RE. My consultation is on Monday. Last Monday (as in my anniversary) I received a voicemail from my OB's nurse saying that since all my follicle checks weren't suffcient, she is referring me to an RE. So, she basically lied about her plan of action and now is just washing her hands of me as soon as she possibly can. I was raging last week about it. But now, while I am still pissed that she lied and wasted my time, I am happy about going to the RE to get some answers. I look forward to having a real conversation about what has been going on since I went off the pill.

So, while I still haven't Oed (shocking, I know) at least I have my spa retreat on Saturday, then my appt on Monday. I gotta at least have something to look forward to.

One year Anniversary

**UPDATE** Chris surprised me during lunch. He showed up at my office with a bouquet of flowers and my gift. He's never done that before :) He bought me a spa retreat package at a local spa. He is so thoughtful--God, I love this guy!**

I cannot believe that I married Chris one year ago today. At this time last year (add the time difference) I was getting my hair and makeup done. I was so excited. I remember everything about that day. The ferry ride in the morning and the heart to heart I had with MOH, getting ready with my favorite ladies, seeing Chris on the bridge for the 1st time, watching my dad's eyes fill up with tears, seeing the people that I love most in the world wish us well. It was such a magical day. And even if it is just one day that I'll never get to relive, I still get the best thing from it, and that's Chris.

I can't say that we haven't had our rough patches and I can't say that it has been easy at times, but there is no one I'd rather go through life with than him. He is always there for me, in good times and bad. When I had my meltdown the other day he tried to do everything he could do get me to stop sobbing. He never complains about any money I spend, any clothes I bring home, or any TTC breakdowns that I have. He is my rock.

I cannot wait to have a child with this man and watch our family grow. I can't wait to see him hold our baby for the first time and teach them all the things that I can't. I can't wait for us to be parents. It feels like that's the one thing that is missing in our lives, especially as many have passed us by in the journey of parenthood. But, I have to have faith; faith in us, faith in God (which I can't say that I have too much of normally), and faith in fate.

Happy Anniversary to us and may there be many more :)

Why am I being written off?

Something occurred to me last night as I was having some sharp O pains before bed: why on earth is the doc writing this cycle off? Given my previous 2 cycles where I Oed in the CD 30s, why would it not be "ok" for me to O in the CD 20s? I just looked at FF's chart gallery and there are plenty of charts that show Clomid from days 3-7 (just like I took it) and show an O in the late teens and CD 20s. Granted, I don't know the dosage, but nevertheless, why would it be completely unfeasible for me to O within the next week? Yes, my follicles weren't great on the 3 u/s's that I had, but u/s's are still only a moment in time. I remember when I had a very mature follie and great lining at CD 8 in my unmedicated cycle right after my 1st round of Clomid. The doc was sure I'd O from CD 10-14, but alas it didn't happen until CD 30. So, my body has definitely faked out the docs before.

I am still getting Lows on my CBEFM, but this morning I did notice that the 2nd line is starting to get darker than it has been. I was actually surprised that I didn't get a high. Maybe tomorrow...but even if I don't. I had surprise LH surges and O the last 2 cycles, so I wouldn't be surprised if I Oed even if the CBEFM reads low. I will actually start backing up with OPKs today.

I hope that I really do O soon. The crappy part about next cycle is that Chris will be out of town for 2 days that are highly likely to be my O period if I do end up on 100 mg of Clomid. That would seriously suck....

Ultrasound update part III

Not too good of news. Apparently the follicles really haven't grown since my last u/s on Saturday. The doc said that the one that was dominant has in fact gotten smaller since the other day, which I didn't even know that could happen. The only thing that has progressed has been my lining. She said that my lining looks great but that my follicles are "puny." I asked if it was possible that I could still ovulate and she said that it was certainly possible but usually with a medicated cycle they like to see the follies bigger by this point in the cycle.

So, despite the news, I still think I may ovulate towards the end of the week. I am happy that my lining has progressed well, despite the lack of growth on the part of the follies. She said that once my regular OB comes back into the office on Friday that I should call her and figure out a plan of attack for NEXT cycle-->obviously implying that she's already writing this one off. She suggests that I start taking 100 mg of Clomid for next cycle. I think that before I do that, I want to have b/w done to make sure everything is OK hormone wise. I have a few days to think about what I want to talk to the doctor about.

All in all, I just can't believe this is happening. Its just one thing after another and its extremely hard to keep myself together. I feel like a ton of bricks has hit me. I know it could still happen this cycle, but with the way things are going I'm just not hopeful any more. My body just continues to betray me.